One of the most common questions I hear from fundraisers is:
“What motivates someone to give?”
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But one thing is consistent across all major gifts, planned gifts, and transformational philanthropy: the decision to give is emotional before it’s logical.
If you want to inspire meaningful generosity, you can’t just explain what your organization does. You must uncover what the donor feels, believes, and dreams about. And that takes emotional intelligence.
Giving Is About Identity, Not Just Impact
Too often, we assume donors give because they believe in our mission. But according to research from Dr. Russell James, one of the most respected scholars in charitable psychology, donors give when a gift helps them express their values, identity, and legacy.
It’s not about what the nonprofit needs. It’s about how the donor wants to see themselves in the world.
In other words:
“I give because I want to be the kind of person who makes a difference in this way.”
That’s why emotional intelligence is essential. You can’t access a donor’s sense of identity by pitching programs. You access it by listening, reflecting, and connecting emotionally.
Emotionally Intelligent Fundraisers Ask Better Questions
Fundraisers with high emotional intelligence don’t just deliver cases for support—they facilitate discovery. They ask questions like:
- “What first drew you to this cause?”
- “Is there a life experience that shaped how you see the world?”
- “If you could change one thing in the next generation, what would it be?”
These aren’t data-gathering questions. They’re relationship-building questions. And when you ask them with genuine curiosity and emotional attunement, donors begin to open up in ways that data can’t predict.
The Inner Journey of Giving
Giving isn’t just an external act—it’s an internal journey.
Many donors (especially major donors, including planned giving donors) wrestle with questions of purpose, meaning, mortality, and legacy. That’s especially true in planned giving or major gift work. The emotionally intelligent fundraiser understands that generosity often comes at emotional inflection points: a life transition, a loss, a win, a realization.
We must meet donors there—not with pressure or pre-written pitches, but with presence, empathy, and trust.
That’s when giving shifts from a transaction to a transformational act.
Start with Heart to Unlock Motivation
In Start with Heart, I explore how fundraisers can become facilitators of motivation rather than just askers of gifts.
The best fundraisers help donors discover their own reasons to give—not by leading with persuasion, but by guiding with empathy.
If you want to raise more, don’t just explain why your organization matters. Help the donor explore why it matters to them.
That’s fundraising with heart.
That’s fundraising that lasts.
Dr. Bill Crouch is a speaker, author, and founder of BrightDot, where he helps nonprofit professionals build emotionally intelligent systems that center on donor motivation, not just institutional goals. His latest book, Start with Heart, is a guide for fundraisers who want to lead with purpose and connection.
Related Resources:
- Fundraising Is Not Sales: It’s Emotional Intelligence in Action
- Why Would A Donor Want To Build A Relationship With a Fundraiser?
- The Fundraiser’s Superpower: Mastering Empathy to Inspire Giving
- The Ripple Effect: Using Emotional Intelligence to Empower Others and Multiply Impact
